Final Thoughts

I’ve been told once or twice that I’m a dreamer; to get my head out of the clouds. To focus on reality, not fantasy or the prospect of what could- or, in my less than expert opinion, should be. I’ve tried to do just that. I honestly— albeit halfheartedly— have. But it never quite works out the way the suggestors or I ever expect. I guess that’s true for almost every worthwhile experience in life, but no matter how many times expectations get exceeded or disappointed, it always feels like the first shocking time when you realize you don’t know everything and almost certainly never will. The real challenge comes in deciding what to do with yourself after that realization. How you act and react to the knowledge that the world really is your oyster and that no matter how much you know, there is always more to learn; no matter how much greener the grass is in the distance, the fact that you choose to be sinking your bare feet into the grass directly underneath you and what you choose to do with that patch of grass is all we have in this life. It’s as simple as that. Punto. I joined the Peace Corps, honestly, because upon graduating from college I had no idea what I wanted to do or what my role in the world would, could or should become. I felt like I needed a few (more) buffer years to try to figure that out instead of rushing the process and settling for whatever was to happen. I figured if anyone could teach me about myself and my place in the world, my strengths and weaknesses, my likes and dislikes, that person had to be me. I also knew myself well enough to know that I needed to be pushed to certain limits before anything meaningful would be revealed. I needed to remove the distractions and clutter in order to get back to the bare necessities. Peace Corps allowed for just that. Sitting alone in a room, isolated from loved ones, separated from people who understand you on even the most basic level, forces you to think about what it all means and to act upon those revelations. They say that the hardest step a PCV takes is the one out of his or her front door. I can’t even begin to express how true that statement is. It is almost always easier to stay inside and distract yourself than it is to walk outside and do something meaningful. I knew my own will power and motivation well enough to know that for me, the most difficult step and main deterrent would not be the one out my front door, but rather where to go and in what direction to continue once outside. For me, the idea of those next few steps was so daunting that it kept me from even considering the preceding, arguably more important, the initial step over the threshold- and kept me inside more days than I would like to admit. In the Peace Corps, everything you do is questioned and magnified—if only in your own mind. People from back home want to know what you are doing every second of the day, they want a way to understand why you would choose to give up all you know of a life to surround yourself with strangers who may or may not even want you there. Other Volunteers are curious about how you spend the hours, whether you’re actually working or if your site is accepting you more easily than their own or how many bites you got from bedbugs the previous night. Host country nationals are just plain confused. Why would you leave your family? What exactly are you trying to do here? Do you know Michael Jackson? How about Rambo? Oh, you’re from California, is that near New York? With all the confusion on the home front and in your new home it’s easy to succumb to the uncertainty, but it’s also the perfect opportunity for you to gather your thoughts, take a look around, and see which patch of grass you want to be standing on and what you need to learn and do in order to get there. I peeked out my window, looked around and went back to reading on my hammock plenty of times before taking that difficult step outside but when I did, it was amazing. For me, the best parts and biggest learning experiences of my time in Ecuador came from the simple interactions I had with various people from my village. Talking about my family back home with my Ecuadorian family was some sort of déjà vu I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to recreate. Explaining countless times how New York isn’t the same as California to the neighborhood kids was a lesson in patience I wont soon forget. Watching my host mom milk the cows and hoe and plow the fields taught me that looks can be deceiving and that strength comes both physically and mentally. I could go on and on, but now that I’m back in America, I just can’t seem to find the time. It’s strange how your surroundings shape your priorities and mentality. In Ecuador, I had nothing but time. Time to read, time to talk, time to listen, time to learn, time to teach, time to observe. Now that I’ve been back for a few months, I’ve noticed that there are an incredible amount of distractions just begging to fill my time. I didn’t figure it all out while I was over there. I fumbled, I failed, I cried, I questioned myself and the people around me, I avoided situations, but I also confronted situations, all the while learning more about myself, who I am and who I want to be than I think I would have had I chosen a different path to walk down for the past 2 years. I taught classes, I made art, I talked, I listened, I learned a new language, I made new friends, I gardened, I harvested potatoes, I took pictures, I joined a new family, I read, I watched a lot of movies, but most importantly I experienced something new and different every single day. Life is made up of experiences. How you choose to share those experiences and how you allow those experiences to shape your life is all we have. Whether through photographs, blog posts, artwork, or even unspoken or seemingly unshowable methods life is happening right under our noses. I put together a video of some of my experiences. It was my first attempt and I have a long way to go toward becoming a respectable video editor, but I wanted to show you some of my favorite moments from the past 2 years. http://youtu.be/O3j-JEdX-OY To be honest, I'm not completely sure where I want to go from here. All I know for sure is that I want and need to keep learning and experiencing new things that will help shape who I am and how I see the world and everyone in it. I am already on to my next adventure, South Africa for a little over a month. I'm not sure how the internet connection will be there or if I will have time to blog, but the group I'm going with has a facebook page so check that if you want updates: https://www.facebook.com/GSE.Team.SA